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Our friends for over two decades, who has faced and conquered numerous hardships, and I respect her for that. But, she has been repeatedly blindsided by people. Her spouse walked away, which came as a massive blow. Many of close acquaintances vanished at that point, as they were focused solely on the spouse. She was stunned by her deeply. She made increased attention to be my friend, probably realised more clearly the essence of true friendship.

The Pattern With Friends Drifting Away

In the time since, many in her circle have disappeared leaving her certain of the reason. The company she worked for became hostile, although she was very skilled at her work, and she left unaware of why things shifted.

How Things Stand Now

Lately, we've both retired and are seeing frequent meetups, but I am finding my position in our friendship feels one-sided. I introduce discussion points but she shifts conversation onto what interests her. In terms of politics, she has strong opinions. I try to propose verifying facts or other angles.

She has been organizing a vacation to a country I've visited on several occasions even called home for a while. I tried to offer insights, but this was met with resistance. She essentially solely sought me to confirm her decisions. I have returned from four weeks in that place she hopes to meet, yet I'm reluctant.

Evaluating the Situation

I am unwilling to act as a friend who cuts and runs abruptly, yet I doubt she'll truly grasp the consequences of her actions on my self-esteem. Right now, my state is distancing myself. How should I proceed?

Possible Paths

One option is to walk away, yet this is rarely the easy answer we imagine. Yet having a direct talk aiming for working things out takes courage and openness from both people.

Therapists recommend trying a useful conflict resolution tool:

"Initially involves describing the usual pattern when you talk. This needs to be based on facts like what a recording device would replay. Next involves sharing her how it leaves you feeling. Ideally, there's no dispute on this point. Emotions are valid, of course. The third step is to question ways you together going to change the pattern between you."

Remember she too has her own side, thus requiring you to be prepared to acknowledge it. A helpful technique is to say your friend:

"It's your turn to speak and I promise to not say anything for a set time."

This can be effective in fostering mutual respect.

Final Thoughts

Your friend might reject all you say, as some people have a “survival narrative”: they have a story regarding their experiences they're unable to abandon since their identity is tied to it and it represents they've known. This poses a challenge when there seems no clear path in such cases, just dead ends. Yet she could initially present this way before reflecting on your words. And should a resolution isn't found a fix, it provides satisfaction that you've been truthful.